


Stay in Memory

by day6ter



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: F/M, Family, Slow To Update, Songfic, time travel-ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-07-16 03:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16077305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/day6ter/pseuds/day6ter
Summary: In which Brian goes back to several points in time to fix his mistakes and prevent an unfortunate end.A story inspired by Day6's "I'll Remember".





	1. You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Just a heads up, Day6's song "You" will be featured in a part of this chapter and I highly suggest you look it up on youtube and maybe listen to it while you read the scene. Also, the English lyrics which I've included on that scene are translations from @jaelavie on Twitter. That's all, hope you enjoy!

_August 25, 2020_

 

You shoved a bunch of paper down the trash bin, feeling more frustrated than ever. _A bunch of paper,_ you thought _, yeah that’s all they are now. That’s all they’ve ever been; scratch, reject, fucking failure._ You kicked the trash bin out of anger, not caring about the pain you felt on your toes or the people that looked at you as they passed by. You let your hair hang to cover your face and avoided everyone’s eyes as you walked down the street, tears clouding your vision as you walk with your heart feeling heavier every second.

You stopped in your tracks when you heard your phone ring. You quickly took it from your pocket and saw your mom’s photo on the screen.  You took some deep breaths and dried your tears before taking the call.

“Hey mom,” you said, trying to clear your throat.

“Hey sweetie, how’d it go today? Did they finally accept your manuscript?” you noticed how excited your mom sounded over the phone. The lump in your throat grew bigger.

“Uh, actually,” you heaved a sigh in an attempt to stop yourself from crying. “I decided not to go through with it today.”

“What?”

“I figured… it wasn’t really ready yet. There’s still a lot to work on. It’s not good enough.”

“What do you mean it’s not good enough? When we talked last time you sounded so excited, you said you knew that was it.”

“Well, turns out it’s not. I read it and saw how big of a mess it was. There were so many errors and holes and…” you sighed once again, tears now running down your cheeks. “It’s trash, mom.”

For a moment, your mom didn’t say a word. You covered your mouth so she won’t hear you sobbing.

“That’s okay,” your mom finally says. “Maybe all it needs is some more refining but don’t rush into it. Give it some space, breathe a little. Go out and relax, get a drink and have some fun. And then when you think you’re ready, get back on it and soon you’ll be reaping the fruits of your hard work,” she says, and you smile a little. “Just… Hope, sweetie?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

You smile and nod. “Thanks mom,” you tell her. “I’ll try,” you hang up.

You suddenly felt a little lighter after getting off the phone with your mom. Her words have always had that effect on you; it had always reassured you and given you comfort at times when you need it the most. So you stood there, somehow managing a smile. You’re starting to feel less angry at yourself and become a little more hopeful. Looking at your phone, you thought, _thanks mom_.

\- - - - - -

You were walking on your way home when you passed by a music club that seemed to be crowded with people. From the outside you heard the beat of the drums, the sound of guitars, some screaming, and a melody that you recognized to be Bruno Mars’ _Locked Out of Heaven_. You looked at the poster displayed on the door that says:

**Tonight’s Guest: DAY6**

You stood there for a moment, contemplating whether you should head inside or go straight home, but you soon realized that you needed a distraction and might as well check out this band. So, you decided to enter the club and were welcomed by the loud sounds of drums, bass, electric guitar, and piano. You squirmed and let yourself in to the small crowd gathered in the place and looked for a good spot. The band was already on the latter part of the song when you found a spot with a good view. From where you were standing, you could clearly see the five men on stage; the keyboardist on the far left followed by the man playing the acoustic guitar, the drummer, the bassist, and then the guy playing the electric guitar. You can’t help but bob your head as they played Bruno Mars’ song with their own rock rearrangement, which you knew you liked very well.

As the song ended, the club was filled with applause and cheers. The band was all smiles on stage, breathing heavily after performing the song. You shifted on your spot as people from the audience raised their hands and phones.

“Thank you,” the guy with the acoustic guitar said, panting a little. “It’s been a wild night thanks to you guys and, as much as we don’t want this night to end, we gotta wrap up now with our last song,” the place was filled with aww’s and no’s. “I know, I know, we’re sorry.  But don’t worry, we’ll definitely be back on this stage soon. So, Brian, why don’t you introduce the last song for us?”

The bassist stepped forward and spoke into the microphone. “Our last song… is actually something that we just wrote recently and will be performing for the first time tonight,” the audience replied with whistles and cheers. “This song is called _You_.”

“Dowoon, hit it!” The guy with the electric guitar exclaimed.

The drummer, a guy wearing a gray shirt and a backwards snapback hat with a black cloth hanged around his neck, started playing. The crowd cheered as he hit the first beat. Not long after, the guy in a white long sleeve with a bandana that he wore like a headband began playing the bass. He created a rhythm that accompanied the beat made by the drummer. Then, the keyboardist in the sleeveless black top started playing. You smiled a bit as you listened to the sound of the keyboard piano complementing the bass’ rhythm nicely. The striking sound of the acoustic guitar followed next, the man in a black shirt and a swept up hair bobbing his head as he played his guitar. You liked the melody by the second.

“One… two…” counted the lanky man on a black baggy shirt with a black bandana and some round specs, who was yet to play his instrument. “One, two, three, and!”

With a hit of the drum, the music was brought to life. Even the lighting on the stage lit up. Everyone in the band was playing their instruments now, each instrument making up for a captivating harmony. You noticed the bassist playing different notes that spices up the music. He was moving his shoulder interestingly as he plucked the strings, which made you chuckle. You found yourself bobbing your head and swaying your body, slowly being engulfed by the music. Then, the keyboardist began to sing.

                       _Stop it_

_Our awkward relationship is frustrating_

_The one who’s seemingly close, but distant_

_Yeah, it’s you_

You were taken aback by the distinctly sweet voice of the keyboardist. You stood still for a second, swaying bodies bumping onto you, before the electric guitarist started singing and got you back to grooving with his smooth, creamy voice.

                      _Day after day, I eh eh eh_

_Become filled [with] you eh eh eh_

_I see you even when I close my eyes_

_Everything is tinted with you_

As the beat dropped and the acoustic guitarist’s hoarse voice entered, you gasped and unconsciously started jumping with the rest of the audience.

                     _I think I’m crazy_

_From the first moment that I saw you_

_I think I’m crazy_

_I want you, I want to have you, baby, you_

To your surprise, the bassist started singing. You looked at him and the other members for a while, realizing that you just heard four of the five sing. You got a little puzzled but didn’t think much of it and continued to enjoy the song instead.

                   _Baby, you_

_Baby, you_

_I want you, I want to have you, baby_

_Stop it_

_The pushing-and-pulling everyday is frustrating_

_The one who’s seemingly close but distant_

_Yeah, it’s you_

Both guitarists sang their parts once again as you slowly lifted your hands and waved it to the tune of the song, just like what the rest of the audience were doing. You also tried to sing along especially on parts where the acoustic guitarist sang “I think I’m crazy”.  When the song reached the bridge, you gasped and stopped in your tracks when the bassist suddenly started rapping, your hands frozen mid-air.

                   _I must be crazy for going back to you_

_Wherever, whatever happens, from day to night,_

_Nothing but you remains in my mind_

_Again & again & again_

_There’s something blinding in my eyes_

_Oh but I don’t hate it, I don’t hate waiting for tomorrow to come again_

_I don’t even see other women, when they gather_

_It’s like mud that makes you look like a pearl_

_You, who can make a man stop in his tracks_

_Dangerous, red light, but I like that_

His eyes scanned the place as he continued rapping and unexpectedly locked into yours. You weren’t sure if you saw it right but you thought you saw him furrow his eyebrows a little and smirk. Soon, realize that it was probably because you were the only one left whose hands are up. You quickly put them down and closed your mouth which apparently was also gaped open.

_You haven’t received everything that you’ve wished for yet_

_But how would it feel_

_For me to hold you as we cross the vast field, it’s my dream_

_Like Obama said, “Yeah, we can!”_

When the band went on with the last chorus, nearly everyone in the club was jumping. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to be lost in the moment, moving your body freely within the small mosh pit that filled the room. _Mom was right,_ you thought, _maybe I needed a break_.

As the song came to an end, the music club roared with cheers and applause. Even you were loudly cheering and clapping your hands. You joined the crowed as they started chanting, “DAY6! DAY6! DAY6!”

“Thank you so much,” the acoustic guitarist said, waving at the audience “We’ll see you next time!”

You looked at the band one more time, trying to remember their faces. _DAY6_ , you thought, _I might need to watch out for this band_. You were looking at each member, who were smiling and waving to the audience, when you locked eyes with the bassist once again. You grinned and waved at him, standing on your tiptoes just to be sure that he’d see you. He smiled, wrinkled his nose, and waved back. You chuckled.


	2. Bad Day

You kept checking your watch as you stood alone at the bus stop, waiting for your ride. It was nearly midnight and you were starting to feel extremely tired and sleepy. You kept pinching your arms and the back of your hand in an attempt to keep yourself awake. You didn’t consider going to that little concert a bad idea—in fact, it even helped you loosen up after having been rejected earlier that day—but maybe it wasn’t the best idea to rock out at a music club especially when you need to get to work the next day. _And here I thought I could still get some work done tonight_ , you thought. You knew full well that with that condition, it was never gonna happen.

Before you completely gave in to exhaustion, you were jolted awake when someone stood next to you.  Instinctively, you clutched your satchel and took a step sideways with your eyes wide open, staring at the man. He was much taller than you, your eye level only reaching up to his broad shoulders and chest.  You squinted as you looked him in the eye, his face being shadowed by the baseball cap that he wore.

“I’m not gonna hurt you or anything,” he said, smirking and shifting the strap of the guitar case that he carried on his left shoulder.

You blinked a little more until you eventually recognized his face; the sharp nose and jaw line, _and the fox-like eyes_ …

“Hey, I know you,” you tell him, still squinting.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… you’re the guy from the band that I saw earlier. What were they called again… Day something… I think it was Day8?”

He chuckled. “You’re two days early, we’re Day6.”

“Yeah right, that. You played the bass right?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “How’d you like our show?”

“Oh,” you exclaimed. “I liked it a lot, you guys were so good. To be honest though, I didn’t get to see the entire show, just the last two songs but I mean… even from those two performances alone I can tell you’ve really given a great show. And that last one you performed? The one you said you guys just wrote? My god was it a great song, it was totally my jam. And I can’t believe four of you guys actually sing like… was that real? Do you do that regularly? Do you really have four singers in a band? Because if it is, whew… that’s crazy,” you sharply exhaled. “But yeah… the show was really fun. I enjoyed myself a lot tonight.”

You looked at the guy and found him staring at you as if you just said something funny. His lips formed a smile but his brows were furrowed at the same time.

“Oh god,” you sighed and rubbed your nape. “I’m so sorry for blabbering. It’s just… I feel so sleepy and exhausted that I’m in the zone where I feel drunk although I’m not.”

“No, no, it’s totally fine,” he said. “And I get what you mean, when you feel so light it’s as if you’re floating and you think you can do anything but really your knees and entire body are just so weak and vulnerable. Yeah, I hate that. I hate being very sleepy.”

“Ah, tell me about it,” you sighed.

“Thanks for saying the show was great though, I’m glad you had some fun. Maybe we drained your energy so for that, I guess… I’m sorry?” He smirked. “And yeah, all four of us are vocalists in the band. All of us can sing actually, even Dowoon, our drummer.”

“For real? So everyone in the band are basically vocalists. Woah, that’s so… refreshing.”

 “Yeah,” he smiled.

Just then, the bus arrived. You and the bassist guy took a step at the same time.

“You go first,” he told you. “I’ll stand right behind you just in case you fall asleep while taking your steps.”

“Shut up,” you chuckled.

You enter the bus first, the bright light that welcomed you helping you wake yourself up. The bus was empty, save for a couple of people occupying some seats. You take the empty seat on the fourth row.

“Mind if I sit next to you?” The bassist guy asked.

“Not at all,” you replied. He occupied the seat and held the guitar case between his thighs.

You both sat there silently as the bus began to move.

 

A sharp ting of the bell broke the silence between the two of you. It was apparently from his phone, which he immediately took out of his pocket. From the corner of your eye you saw him check the message he received, which was followed by another message not long after.  A third text message arrived then, almost consecutively.

You pretended not to see him read the text messages and heave a sigh. You felt him tense up beside you as he put his phone back in his pocket. You didn’t say a word.

 

A few minutes later, you both were startled by the shrill sound of a ringing phone that filled the entire bus. He quickly took his phone out and declined the call; you weren’t sure if he even looked at the caller’s name.

“They really want to talk to you, huh,” you commented.

“Yeah, he’s pretty persistent,” he replied, turning his phone off and putting it back in his pocket.

“Why didn’t you take the call though? It could be something important.”

“Trust me, it’s not. Besides, I’ve already told him countless times that I don’t want to talk to him—“

“But he still insists. Okay, I get it now. Ex-boyfriends could be really annoying.”

“What—Oh. Oh no,” he simpered. “I’m not talking about a boyfriend, or an ex for that matter. I’m talking about someone else…”

“Oh,” you gasped. “I’m sorry, I just thought… because he kept calling… and you didn’t want to talk… I—“

“It’s okay,” he snickered. “I admit I did sound like I was talking about an ex-lover. I must’ve reminded you of someone.”

“Well…” you lingered but soon ended it with a quiet laugh.

“Let’s not get back to that, shall we?”

“Please,” you said.

When the bus arrived at a stop, you gathered your things and stood up. You were surprised to see him doing the same.

“You’re also getting off here?” you asked.

“Yeah.” He replied promptly before getting off the bus. You remained puzzled.

 

You found him waiting for you when you stepped out of the bus.

“Good bye then,” he said. “Have a good night’s sleep.”

“You too,” you waved at him goodbye.

You started walking home when you realized you both were headed to the same direction.

“You’re also going this way?” you asked him, your voice giving a hint of surprise.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Are you also headed this way? No way… this is—“

“… crazy!” He exclaimed.

“… creepy!”  You said at the same time.

“What do you mean creepy? For the record, I’m not stalking you or anything. Who knows, you might even be the stalker here,” he shrugged.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who randomly came up to someone at the bus stop,” you playfully teased.

He squinted. “You know what, let’s go together. I’ll prove to you that I’m not a bad guy.”

“After you,” you said, letting him walk first.

 

“So, what made you come to our show today? You said you only caught the last two songs,” he asked, looking over his shoulder.

“I was supposed to go home after getting off work but I came across the club you were playing in and I thought I could use some distraction.”

“Distraction from what?”

“From being rejected at work… again.”

“Huh,” he nodded, slowing down his steps so that he’s now walking right next to you. “Why? What is it that you do for a living?”

“I’m an editor for Bloomfield Publishing but, for who knows how long, I’ve also been working on my own draft. I’ve been really trying to make it to the literary scene but,” you sighed. “I guess I just have to accept that I’m a very incompetent writer.”

“Hey, don’t look at it that way,” he nudged your elbow. “From how I see it, you’ve just started on your path to literary success. Just hang on in there, you’ll make it someday.”

“You think so?” you looked at him, waiting for words of reassurance for some reason.

“I know so. We’ll make it someday, you and I. You’ll have your story published and I’ll write a song good enough to have our band signed to a music company. We’ll put ourselves out there and we’ll be better in our craft,” he said, smiling. He was looking straight ahead, his eyes glinting with hope.

You didn’t know him that well, you didn’t even know his name, but you found yourself feeling more relaxed and at ease after hearing those words from him. After all, he’s an aspiring artist just like you are.

You both didn’t say a word thereafter, letting the sound of crickets and his quiet humming fill the space between you. His voice gradually increased in volume as he went through the song until he sang out loud.

                _‘Cause you had a bad day_

_You’re taking one down_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

_You say you don’t know_

_You tell me don’t lie_

_You work at a smile, and you go for a ride_

_You had a bad day_

_You see what you like_

_And how does it feel one more time?_

_You had bad day_

_You had a bad day_

“You have a great voice,” you tell him, avoiding his eyes.

“Thank you,” he says.

 

You soon arrived at your apartment building, a five-storey establisment with a neat façade.

“This is me,” you told him, stopping at your tracks. “You’re right, you’re not really a bad guy,” you smilde.

“Glad you noticed that from our little chat,” he chuckled. “Good bye then, for real now. Nice to meet you…?”

 “Hope,” you replied. “Nice to meet you too…?”

“Brian.”

“Brian,” you nod and waved him goodbye.

 

It didn’t take you long to sleep that night, different from how it’s been for the past months (or even years, you were unsure). When you laid down on your bed you felt extremely comforted by the sheets and pillows. _It hasn’t been like this for a long time_ , you thought. You allowed yourself to loosen up that evening, not being bothered by the worries that loomed around your head for the first time in what felt like forever. You didn’t even have to count sheep just to force yourself to doze off. That night, you closed your eyes and were lulled to sleep by a charismatic voice, helping you to peacefully drift off to sleep.

                _You had a bad day_

_You had a bad day_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to the people who left kudos on this work. I really wasn't expecting it and it was a pleasant surprise <3


	3. The band

_April 28, 2021_

 

 “At this point I’m not even rushing anymore, I’m just trying to work at it at my own pace in hopes of getting the best results,” you tell your mom whom you’ve been talking to over the phone.

“With that mindset, I bet you’ll get it over with in no time.”

“Crossing my fingers to that,” you giggle. “This is already like the 3rd or 4th story I’m trying to pitch in less than a year, I really hope this is it.”

“Oh sweetie,” your mom says. “I have a feeling this really is it.”

“Thanks mom,” you smile.

“Writing aside, what’s up with you? You gotta fill me in on what’s been going on with you and that guy Brian. I see you’ve been going out a lot lately,” she teases. “Will I finally meet him anytime soon?”

“Mom,” you whisper, your eyes cautiously wandering for anyone near you. You felt your face heat up. “It’s not like we’re dating or anything…”

“You’re not? How come when you talk to me about him you sound like you are?”

“We’ve just been hanging out a lot, that’s all. They invite me to their gigs and it just so happens that I’m free every time.”

“Are you sure you had your schedule free or you find ways to make it free?” your mom teases, making you blush even more.

“Mom—“

“Alright, alright, I was just kidding,” she laughs. “Although to be honest, I really wish to meet that Brian guy soon.”

You smile at the idea of introducing Brian to her. But to introduce him as what, you weren’t sure yet.

Suddenly, you heard a door open. You turned around and saw that the band was already rushing out through the backdoor of the music bar they just played in.

“Okay mom, I gotta go. Talk to you later,” you quickly hanged up and kept your phone in your sling bag.

 

“Hope!” Wonpil greeted, straddling towards you.

You try to stop yourself from laughing as you watch the band’s keyboardist skip towards you, adding some dance moves on his every step. Behind him, you find their drummer, Dowoon, struggling to carry a keyboard piano case with one hand and a tom-tom drum from a dismantled drum set with the other, all while having a big backpack slung on his shoulders. Behind him were the two eldest members, their leader Sungjin and main guitarist Jae, each with their own guitar cases and drums to hold.

“Hey, Wonpil, how about you lend a hand to Dowoon over here?” Sungjin calls out.

“Ah, yes!” Wonpil giddily turns around. Dowoon uses all his might to lift the keyboard piano case, expecting Wonpil to take it from him, but Wonpil takes the drum instead. The smile forming in Dowoon’s face falters.

“Hopie, Hopie,” Wonpil chirps. “How’ve you been?” He tilts his head as he asked. From the moment you first met the band members, Wonpil had always surprised you with how different he is on and off stage. When you first saw them perform, you found him interesting—mysterious even; he had an enigmatic aura around him, standing on the far left, playing the keys with much charisma. When he began to sing, his sweet voice completely detached you from the tough vibe that he seemed to give off. You soon realized how it was much like his character; when you first met them off-stage, that one night when Brian brought you with them to eat chicken wings, you thought he was silent and cold. But when you got to know him, several buckets of chicken wings later, you were made more aware of his bubbly personality.

“Piri, Piri, Wonpiri,” you reply, trying to match Wonpil’s cheerfulness. “I’ve been fine, thanks,” you tilt your head in return.

“What are you guys doing,” Jae sighs and shakes his head, standing behind Wonpil with a questioning look. You snicker.  Jae had always been the first to react whenever Wonpil does anything. If it wasn’t him, then it would be Brian, which you suppose is a reason why they get along well; aside from both of them having the shared experience of living overseas, they both like to poke fun at Wonpil.

You and Wonpil laugh it off like you often do. Dowoon joins both of you, laughing awkwardly at the side. This makes you smile wider since he’s never done that before—approach you first, that is. You don’t remember hearing a word from him when you first met; he’d always avoid your eyes and smile shyly, hiding behind the other members’ backs.  He stuttered and gave you short responses when you tried talking to him once, his ears getting redder after every word. He was the youngest in the group and it shows with how the others treat him. His hyungs prank him and make fun of him a lot but beyond all of those, you’ve always noticed how they all looked at him endearingly—always looking out for him and tending to his littlest of needs. It made you happy seeing him walk up towards you and Wonpil, joining you both as you laugh over something silly. It’s only a small thing but you think of it as Dowoon slowly warming up to you.

“Does anybody plan on helping me with these or—“you heard Sungjin say. He was loading the band’s equipments on their pickup truck.

 “I’ll help you,” you say, making your way towards him.  

“Oh no Hope, it’s okay,” he whispers when you start picking up their stuff. “I was actually wondering if some people out there would mind helping me here,” he says louder, almost yelling. He looked over your shoulder to try and see if the other members heard him and even moved an inch to assist him but it seemed like they were oblivious to their leader, playing around and teasing each other instead. Sungjin sighed.

“It’s okay, really,” you chuckled. “So, what did you think of the show? Everyone in the audience enjoyed it, me included. How about you guys? I take it you also had fun, seeing how wild and happy those three are right now,” you both turned to look at them, Wonpil now running away and Jae going after him while Dowoon stood there laughing and clapping his hands.

“It was pretty good, actually,” Sungjin replied. “It wasn’t perfect, we had some technical difficulties here and there, but nobody seemed to bother and enjoyed the show anyway which was a relief.”

“But did you have fun?” You asked, casually glancing at him.

“Yeah… I guess. I mean I’ve gotten more preoccupied by our mistakes and all but setting that aside, I’d say I also had fun,” he smiled, lifting the pickup’s tailgate after you’ve both loaded all the equipments.

“Well then, maybe you should loosen up a little and go with the flow more, you know, make things work. Problems, they happen. But I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it. Besides, I didn’t even notice it earlier. You guys handled it well,” you tell him.

You’ve always noticed how it was with Sungjin. He’d occasionally joke around and laugh along with the group but there’s something about him that felt distant and reserved. As if he’s keeping so much to himself and prevents himself from showing or sharing even some of it to the group. You often catch him wearing a straight face; his gaze going far off into the horizon, his brows slightly furrowed with his eyes bearing that look of worry and hesitance.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at you, wide-eyed. “W— uh,” he took a deep breath and smiled. “Thanks for the pep talk, Hope.”

“Anytime,” you gently pat his back. “By the way, where’s Brian?”

“Looking for me?” you heard a familiar voice behind you.

You turned around and saw Brian smiling down at you. He had that soft smile on his lips that made the sharp features of his face look gentler. His eyes were on you and you noticed how, unlike the other parts of his face, they didn’t seem to show glee or delight. If anything, there seemed to be some sort of tension and distress looming over his dark eyes. Still, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at the sight of him. “Hey you,” you greet.

“Hey you,” he replied.

“Ehyu, you two,” Sungjin sighs, looking at you and Brian. “You know, it doesn’t feel right standing here right now so I’ll let you be. Don’t mind me, I’ll walk away silently.”

“That’s not so silent,” Brian sneered but Sungjin simply ignored him.

 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Brian says, turning to you. “Something came up and I had to… attend to it,” you noticed his voice quiver. You began to notice it more now, how he stood there slightly shivering even when he’s wrapped in thick clothing. How his eyes and lips twitched a little, making you more certain that he was keeping something behind his sweet smile. You even noticed his clenched fists, shaking, which he quickly kept in his coat pocket.

“It’s alright. Are you okay, though? You look pretty shaken up,” you asked, looking deep into his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, avoiding your sight. “It’s just… something unexpected came up and kind of threw me off. But I’m fine. Should we get going? I believe we’d still be able to catch the last show if we go now,” he was pertaining to the new Marvel movie that you both decided to watch together.

 

You weren’t initially planning to watch it with him, it just so happened that when you bumped into him at the cinema the other day, you found out that you both were checking the movie’s schedule and looking for a time that would fit in yours. With that knowledge he suggested,

_“Hey, why don’t we go together this weekend? We’re having another gig at High Notes again, same as last time and… you know… we could go out after that. Catch the last show or something. That is, if you’re free on Saturday…?”_

He looked at you intently, waiting for your answer. You weren’t sure what to tell him—you had quite a lot on your plate and they were all due that weekend but at the same time you really wanted to watch the film. On one hand, you knew the movie could wait. It just came out and you knew it would last in the cinemas for a few more weeks. On the other hand, _Saturday doesn’t sound bad. Besides, I think I could push myself to finish work tomorrow. I just need to put my mind to it_ , you thought.

It didn’t happen. You still have much to do but you went out to meet Brian anyway.

 

“Hope?” Brian asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Should we go?” He kept a smile on his face but you still felt that something was bothering him. You had a feeling that he wouldn’t enjoy the movie in that state so you decided to go after something that would de-stress him instead. _My turn to help you relieve your worries_ , you thought.

“Let’s just watch it next time. I have something better in mind.”

“What is it?”

“You guys planning to go somewhere” Jae suddenly asked. Apparently the members have already made it back to the truck.

“Aren’t we all gonna go out and get some chicken again?” Wonpil added.

“Right, I haven’t told you guys but Hope and I actually have something planned tonight,” Brian said, standing next to you.

“Ooh something,” Sungjin said behind Jae, wiggling his eyebrows.

“What something?” Dowoon asked.

“We were supposed to catch a movie but plans changed,” Brian explained, looking at you.

“Okay. Aren’t we part of the plan?” Wonpil asked, his eyes going to and fro you and Brian.

“No,” Brian replied plainly.

“Why?” Wonpil frowned a little.

“C’mon now, let’s go get chicken,” Sungjin said, patting everyone’s backs. “You two take care, okay?” Sungjin waved at you and Brian before getting in the driver’s seat.

“See you tomorrow, Bri. And miss Hope,” Jae gave you a salute.

“You don’t like chicken? We can get pizza inst—“

“Let’s go, hyung,” Dowoon interrupted Wonpil and covered his mouth. “Bye bye.”

You waved at Dowoon and Wonpil, who wore a curious face. You and Brian watched the boys drive down the lane.

“So, where to now?” Brian asked when the truck was out of sight.

“Let’s have some ramen,” you said.


	4. Ramen

Brian buried his face in a large bowl of ramen and slurped the soup.  You can’t help but smile at the sight of him enjoying his bowl of ramen. You’ve never seen someone eat a bowl of ramen so happily like that before. In fact, ever since you entered this nearly empty ramen shop, he’s been nothing but smiles. When you both entered, you noticed how his eyes grew wide as he took everything in, full of fascination, like a child you took to a toy store.

“Ah, that was so good,” he sighed, putting his bowl down. “You weren’t lying when you said you had something better in mind.”

His eyes glowed with glee which made his smile look more enticing. It’s been a while since you saw him smile like that and the thought of cheering him up made you feel lighthearted. 

“I knew you could use something to lift your spirits up.” you smiled back.

“Huh, what made you think I was feeling down?” He asked, resting his chin on one hand.

“Well, you looked pretty shaken up earlier and even when you said you were okay, your eyes told me otherwise. Tell me, Brian, did something bad happen?”

He shrugged off your question and leaned back on his chair. “It’s nothing to feel worried about.”

You looked at him intently even when he did not meet your eyes. He was slowly losing the smile that he wore on his face just a few seconds ago.

“Honestly, you could tell me any—“

“Drop it,” he said, keeping a straight face and still avoiding your eyes. His stern voice surprised you and instantly had you keep your mouth shut. You figured it was something he wasn’t comfortable talking to you about and something you shouldn’t have meddled with. “I told you it’s nothing to feel worried about. Let’s just not talk about it.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“It’s okay,” he replied.

You started feeling some tension as the two of you sit there in silent. You kept your head down, suddenly feeling embarrassed to look at him. You listen to the ticking of the clock and the muffled chatter of the few people in the restaurant while you think of things to talk about with Brian, to get rid of the tension you created, but nothing good came to mind.

“Why ramen?” he suddenly asked, almost startling you. You looked at him and found him leaning towards you, his arms rested on the table.

“Well, uh… whenever I meet you guys before your shows and you’re feeling really nervous, I often hear you say that you could really use some ramen to calm you down. I thought it was just a joke ‘cause your members just laugh at it but when I felt like you were not feeling okay earlier, I thought it was the best shot I had at making you feel better,” your voice faltered. You felt very conscious talking especially since he had his eyes on you the entire time.

You stared at him for a few more seconds before noticing a faint smile forming on his lips. “It did,” he said. “You did.”

 

You kept your hands on your coat pockets as you walked home with Brian. Silence still loomed between the two of you, not seeming to have left after the misunderstanding you had earlier. You knew Brian made an effort to lift the tension by smiling at you and occasionally joking, but you still felt hesitant to talk to him as comfortably as you did before. The worry of mentioning something which might tick him off remained at the back of your mind and has been bothering you ever since.

You breathed in the cold air as you thought of things to talk about. You felt like you had to talk to him about something to ease his worries of upsetting you; he’s been trying to assure you that you’re both in good terms and the least you could do was to show him that it’s no longer making things awkward. Except it still is and although you hate to admit it, the night will probably leave a sour taste on your mouth.

The sound of your boots crunching on the asphalt sidewalk—which filled the space between both of you—had been broken by Brian’s voice.

“What’s your family like?” he asked.

Taken aback by his sudden question, it took you a while to form a coherent response.

“My family? Well, they’re uh… I actually… just have my mom. Growing up, my dad used to live with us but when I was about eight or nine, they got divorced. That was the last time I saw my dad and since then it’s just been me and my mom.”

“Don’t you miss him?” Brian asked.

“Not really. I mean I do have some fond memories of him but I was too young then, I’m surprised to even remember. I look back at those sometimes and feel like that wasn’t me, like I was watching memories of someone else. My dad had always been very distant from us back then so when he left, it didn’t really feel as if there was much difference.”

“Hasn’t he ever tried to reach out to you?”

You contemplated for a while, digging through your memories. “Nah, I don’t think so. He’s never sent us a letter or anything after he left. Although my mom did tell me she bumped into him a few years back. Asked her how we were and mom told him we were fine, then mom asked him how he was and he said he was fine. Then that was it. No other contact whatsoever.”

“So... you’re not really in good terms with him?”

“Well, my mom hasn’t forgotten what he did but she has forgiven him and I guess so have I. I don’t think we really need to settle another relationship with him when we could just be living on our own, minding our own business and stuff. My mom and I have no hatred for him anymore and… I think that’s enough.”

There was an eerie silence again until Brian asked, “Was it hard? Growing up without him?”

“I’d be lying if I said no. For the first couple of years, it’s been really tough especially for my mom. She had to juggle a lot of things to keep us both alive. I rarely even caught her at home let alone spend time with her. She just sent me to school in the morning and picked me up in the afternoon and that was pretty much it. The worst part, though, was hearing her crying at night and feeling shit for not being able to do anything,” you took a deep breath, taking a quick glance at Brian who was looking straight ahead.

“But we managed eventually. We picked ourselves up and we worked together to get to where we are now. You know looking back at everything we’ve been through. I’d say my mom’s the strongest person alive,” you chuckled. “Why’d you ask?”

You looked at Brian and waited for his response, which took a while to come.

“My mom used to be the strongest person alive too,” he said with a soft chuckle. “She raised me all by herself ‘cause my dad wasn’t with us either. He was working overseas—at least that’s what he told us—but he only sent packages or, heck even letters, just a couple of times. I think I can even count all those with my fingers. My mom kept telling me that he’ll come back, he’s just too caught up in his work but surely he’ll visit us again, except it never happened. We kept waiting for him every year—birthdays, holidays—but he never came. It was already too late when he did.”

Brian kept his eyes looking upwards, blinking countless times, his eyes glistening with  tears. He was taking a handful of deep breaths, keeping his tears from flowing. He kept running his hand through his face as if it would help in keeping himself composed. You’ve never seen him like this and you felt a pang in your chest as you saw him being so distraught like that.

“Thinking back at it now, maybe I shouldn’t have expected him to come home. I think it frustrated my mom how I always seemed disappointed. Maybe that’s why I often heard her cry at night. Maybe it’s my fault she’s suffered through a lot of pain. Maybe my mom’s had too much of us so she decided to end her own life. ‘Cause you see, even the strongest people break too. I just hope I didn’t make her feel as if she failed to make me happy.”

You try to form words with your mouth but nothing came out. Your hand lingered mid-air, hesitating to touch his arm to express comfort.

“The reason I felt burdened earlier was because my dad came to see me after our show. Said he wanted to talk to me. He’s been doing it ever since mom passed away. Said he wanted to explain and apologize.”

“Brian, I’m so sorry—”

“Nah, it’s alright. I think I’ve made things tense between us earlier so I thought I’d let you know what was actually bothering me to get stuff off your head. I don’t want you to get too worked up on my attitude or anything, I’m afraid we’ll grow apart if you do and I don’t want that. I’m not losing someone special again.” 

You look him in the eye and he does the same to you. You mirror the faint smile he wore on his lips.

“But… don’t you think it would be a good idea to at least listen to what your dad has to—”

“I don’t want to hear any more of his crap.”

You felt like you still had to say something but chose to keep quiet instead. You wouldn’t want to walk in on someone’s private life just like that.

 

You felt a lot more comfortable walking alongside Brian after that. You both started talking about what happened on that day, their show, and what you thought about it. The tension between you two slowly lifted until it completely went away. Soon enough, you found yourselves laughing, occasionally nudging each other or playfully hitting arms. You were too caught up in the moment that you didn’t realize it when you’ve already arrived.

“Well, I guess this is me,” you said, turning to face Brian.

“Thanks for today, Hope. And I’m sorry again with how I acted earlier, that was such a jerk move,” he heaved a sigh,

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” you reassured him, slightly waving a hand. “I shouldn’t have poked into it. But still, thanks for sharing it with me,” you smiled.   
“I’m glad I did,” he smiled back.

You both stood there, gazing at each other’s eyes, wearing warm smiles. You wondered if you should head inside now, you’ve said your goodbyes afterall, but somehow it didn’t feel right.

You gaze at Brian’s feline eyes, the sharp edges softened by the curves created by his smile. You found it funny how different he looked in front of you compared to when he’s on-stage; whereas performer Brian exudes a sharp and vicious aura, this Brian in front of you looked just like any other kind human—modest and affectionate, someone you’d want to take care of. Your eyes lingered on him when you noticed his vision slowly traveling down your face until you felt like it fixated on your lips.

“I, uh… I guess I have to go,” you said, slightly startled as you felt your face flush.

He broke into a chuckle and replied, “Alright, good night.”

“Good night, Brian,” you waved a hand as you slowly walked farther from him. You were about to head inside when he called you again.

“Hey Hope?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering… would you like to… I don’t know… go out with me sometime? Like… I don’t know… I was just thinking... on a date… or something…” he pursed his lips, somehow shy to look directly at you.

You chuckled. “Sure.”


End file.
